Jamie Madonald is the King of Klubz. KOK and his posse will be sampling Perth’s clubs over the coming weeks, on a quest to experience all that P-town has to offer. The aim of the King of Klubz is certainly not to offend. Quite the opposite. If you judge someone purely on the music they like or the venues they frequent, you are a jerk. It’s very true that the enjoyment you’ll get out of an evening and pretty much everything in life is largely dependent on your attitude and the company you keep.
The aim is really to provide a humorous commentary on what it’s like to be a fish out of water in this place we call P-Town and to test whether the KOK et al’s preconceptions about some of the city’s nightspots would turn out to be accurate. The venues we thought would best test these preconceptions were chosen because they are the complete opposite of places we would normally visit on the weekend and, with no disrespect to anyone who likes them, (each to their own etc) places we assumed we’d fucking hate.
Enter Eve nightclub. A teenage KOK had been to Eve before, back when it was ‘The Ruby Room’ and although chances are that particular alcohol-fueled soiree may have been enjoyable, it’s a far cry from the type of establishment the KOK and his hipster/muso/tree-hugging/bleeding heart/RTR FM-listening/soy-drinking/violence-hatin’/yoga-doing chums visit on a weekly basis these days.
Throughout the week leading up to out maiden voyage, the KOK had his hesitations about what lay ahead. Are we REALLY going to spend an entire night at EVE NIGHTCLUB? Will the security staff look favorably on five males who clearly don’t belong here and are quite obviously taking the piss? What am I doing with my life? Etc etc.
The night commenced the way most nights do – a few quiet drinks (1 x bottle of Rose for the KOK – it was universally accepted that we were going to have to get hammered to make this work), a few tunes and some discussion about where this night was likely to take us.
A little while later, we arrive at Eve. Eve is big on security. This makes me comfortable and annoyed at the same time. Comfortable that the three security checkpoints were likely to wean out any troublemakers, but uncomfortable in the knowledge that my new $400 Redwing boots which are all the rage at The Bird, were likely to confuse Eve’s friendly bouncers. Are they his dad’s boots? Is he a farmer/lumberjack? Does he know they make his skinny jeans look even more skinny? Thankfully, after reluctantly posing for one of those nightclub security photos which the KOK and his type naturally hate, (privacy, anyone?) we, boots-n-all, were in.
Going to Eve nightclub is kind of like a metaphor for life, or rather, where you are at in your life. With that in mind, did you know that traffic light parties still happen? In grownup nightclubs? Well they do, and it did cross the KOK’s mind that he and two other members of his posse were about to enter what may well be the shittest club in town proudly sporting a green ‘available’ wristband, despite being nearly, and in one member’s case, well over the age of 30. The KOK is a glass half full kind of guy. At this point, the evening took an unexpected humorous turn when one of the KOK’s crew, who had been married for some time, proudly flashed his freshly attached GREEN WRISTBAND! Zing! Who said 30 year-olds don’t know how to have a good time? After we finished high-fiving each other we sat down, wallflower style.
My first interaction with the Eve clientele was with a nice young man at the bar who seemed very impressed with my grownup drink selection. ‘What’s that you’re drinkin’, mate? It looks delicious.’ It looked like whiskey. Coz it was whiskey. Don’t fret young padawan, you’ll become acquainted with old mate Jamesons soon enough.
Let’s talk about the music, coz me and my friends LOVE talking about music. In fact, a large proportion of the KOK’s spare time is spent talking about music. And boy, were we in for a treat. Up until this point, the KOK had outright refused to acknowledge the phenomenon (it’s NOT a phenomenon) known suddenly as EDM. Well, the KOK was being FORCED to acknowledge it this night. In the past, during the KOK’s weaker, less accepting moments, he would have probably asked himself and others questions like, I don’t know, ‘who listens to this shit?’ Well, the answer is: people who go to Eve nightclub.
It was amazing. Did you know that you DON’T have to walk past a Live store, attend a spin class at the gym or turn on basically any pay TV music channel to hear these bangin’ beats? No sir, just head on down to Eve. Remember that song by Cher called ‘Believe’? Call me naive, but I was under the impression it was generally accepted as one of the worst songs ever and was the subject of ridicule everywhere, from episodes of South Park to the KOK’s famous karaoke nights. Well, the music was kinda like that. But about 20 years later. And it now appears that people are enjoying it.
It wasn’t all bad though. Ice Cube’s ‘You can do it’ and Fatman Scoop’s ‘Be faithful’ were enough to entice the KOK’s posse onto the dance floor, which, I must say, was the place we remained for the majority of the night. Again, it’s all about the company you keep. In summary, Eve was nowhere near as bad as we expected. However, the evening served as a reminder that if we really were to eventually find THE worst venue in P-Town, we’d have to lower our standards even further. Stay tuned.
