GiggySound

We check in with all things heavy on RTRFM’s Critical Mass show.

Christmas. Yep, whether you’re in the spirit of things or bah humbugging all December long there’s one thing for sure: Every. Time. You enter a shopping centre you are going to be bombarded with dodgy, cheesy and constant Xmas carols. AND on top of that, every deli, greengrocer and radio station will probably be playing an infinite loop of Mariah Carey’s “All I Want For Christmas Is You”. Uggghhh! “Little Drummer Boy”? How about “Little Blastbeat Boy” instead? Then we’ll consider some ‘parum-pa-pa-pum-pums’.

So to counter these ear worms, we’ve compiled some Xmas themed tracks for the more heavily inclined of you:

AMON AMARTH — Viking Christmas
The viking warriors deliver exactly what the title says, Valhalla awaits those who pillage on Xmas morning.

RONNIE JAMES DIO/TONY IOMMI — God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen
Check out the STAR power on this one! A slow burner of a track that you wouldn’t even think is a Xmas hymn. Rest in peace Ronnie.

MANOWAR — Silent Night
A pretty straight and restrained version (surprisingly) here from the self proclaimed ‘kings of metal’. It’s worth a listen as the final minute is gloriously epic and bombastic.

KING DIAMOND — No Presents For Xmas
Those vocals! Those old school speed metal riffs and those lyrics destroying your childhood cartoon dreams: “There’s no presents, not this Christmas, there’s no presents. Tom and Jerry, still drinking Sherry, they don’t give a damn”. The King still regularly performs this live, no matter what month it is. Legend!

GEHENNAH — Sathana Claus
Not to be confused with the Norwegian black metal band (who have a new album out shortly), Gehannah are the drunken, black metal/rock’n’roll Swedish equivalent of Lemmy’s hangover. From a two track EP called “No Fucking Christmas” (Which also contains the mighty track “Merry Shitmas”), here’s a lyrical sample:. “Santa is drunk, Santa is out of control. Santa is drunk, Santa is out on parole”.

ROB HALFORD — We Three Kings
From the Halford III Winter Songs release, the metal god also tackles ‘Oh Holy Night’ and ‘Come All Ye Faithful’ as well as a few originals! The original version didn’t have an extended guitar solo as good as this one

AUSTRIAN DEATH MACHINE — Jingle Bells
The less said about Tim Lambesis’ legal.….. “issues” the better, ADM still are pretty funny and brutal. This one has a punk rock tempo that the original composers dared not dream of.

There’s plenty more around, so enjoy and stay safe. Happy Xmas and best wishes to you all. Here’s to more heavy goodness in 2014 as 2013 was a (Xmas) cracker of a year for releases.

Critical Mass airs every Wednesday from 9PM on RTR FM 92.1